Thursday, February 22, 2007
Reflection...
It’s time to blog again...peace and quiet at last...at least for me la…don’t know bout other things in the house…don’t know and I don’t care…it’s not like I have a say and it’s not like I am stupid enough to put a hand into matters just to get BBQ’d by them…I rather be called ignorant and cold cuz that’s what I have became…
I shall not spoil my mood for blogging…
ever sat down at the end of everyday…listen to some beautiful piano pieces, peaceful instrumental music, the few songs that means a lot to u; just the lyrics that brings back a lot of meaning and memories…and u let them play in a loop, on and on…at the same time reflect on life, reflect on the day, the past week, the past month, the past year, or practically just memories that’s in your head; happy or painful…it doesn’t matter cuz it just drops in…
life reflection…hmmm, something relaxing to do; or not…it can be rather stressful depending what you’re thinking about…at the moment its crazy mixed up feeling for me…I could tell that one moment I can be high and happy, another moment down and confused, another moment cold and heartless and the last thing is emotionless…but one thing that never runs away from all these…I’m tired; still am…
high and happy cuz I know I’ve always have something to look forward too…I know I’ve got to appreciate life cuz its precious…I know I’ve got to live on being happy so I wont worry the people around me…being happy cuz I’ve got happy memories with certain people I treasure which shall remain forever; hoping it will not be taken away…though in the end staying happy is the hardest and the most tiring thing to do…happiness never last long…feels like it’s a mask in life to put on before you meet anyone…it’s quite fake at times…
as all the happy thoughts are in place and you’re floating on a soft fluffy cloud, suddenly the piece of cloud gives way and you fall hitting rock bottom…all hopes are gone, all is left is sadness, pain, hurt and confusion…then I ask myself, was it a blessing that fell from the sky I received? Was my role ever that important? How much do I mean to them? Did my existence cause more trouble than joy? What would happen if it ended? Should I let go or should it go on? Am I doing the right thing? Am I pushing too hard? Am I giving u enough space to breath? I gave up on those questions…
But there’s more…Was I born weird? If not, then why am I judged with that sort of ‘eyes’? Is it a crime to be born with what I have? Is it a must to live up to the standards of the world? Or is it just a standard u set for me? It’s tiring trying and trying to achieve it…I maybe born smart but I am not a genius…wish u knew that…I am still human with room for mistakes…I am not a robot…I have emotions too…What is there to compare? For I am only me…trying to live out the dreams I have but its being snatched lil by lil, day by day…I live my life in a cell; how would it feel to be free…would I loose touch and be squished by the pressures of the world? Am I being protected cuz u feel that I cannot survive the world? To u I am still a kid, aren’t I?
Even in my own world, my own circle of friends…I can’t be me, can I? To you guys, I am a happy go lucky person but lately I’m filled with pain and confusion in my eyes. You ask me to make decisions, put it to an end but u don’t even know what’s going on…you don’t even know me…yet u compare yourself with them, saying how well you know me but in fact you don’t at all…all I have become is a topic for u to talk about to fill up your free time but you never understood the depth of it…like I said, I was judged with tinted glasses of yours…
Confused; I don’t know what to do now bout my life but let it flow the way my heart leads me day by day…sometimes it lead me to do the wrong thing and end up regretting what I’ve done…sigh…I am confused…
Cold and heartless cuz to certain things I have grown cold…especially to nagging and scolding…I kept my distance this hols…kept my own space and privacy…the only thing that got close to me was my library of songs and my com…I couldn’t care less about any other thing around me…cuz I know in the end its just useless to voice up my words…I shall go back to when I was years ago…when people ask me questions and I just return a smile…and ‘you’ called me quiet, saying I am hard to get close too, I was a problem kid…I shall shut myself away once again, living in my own world…
And when too many emotions fall into place at one time, you know what u will feel? Nothing, absolutely nothing…a state of being emotionless…nothing else could make u feel anything anymore…a state worse then heartless and cold…a state where no one could reach you, not even your closest friends…a time where u lock yourself up in the room and you don’t want to have contact with anyone…it happened once, and its terrible to go through it…a feeling like all hope was gone, everything was lost…there was nothing more to trigger any sort of emotions…I was lucky I thought things through and lived on to write it down…reminding myself, hoping I don’t fall back into that place…
In the end after all that, the conclusion is it’s tiring to live life but life goes on…and I have pledged to live life appreciating every second of it…cuz at the end of it all, I still have people who cares for me…there is much more to life then emotions…no matter how stressful it is, family is still family…the special few; u know who u are…thanks for everything you’ve given me, it has all been great and it remains in me forever, and I will still keep my promise…friends; also to the few people…thanks for getting me out of my own ‘well’ at times, its deep but u pulled me out…
And at the end of it all…after the endless looping of the few songs in my playlist, I have finished today’s life reflection and found that there is more to life than I thought it would have…stronger than yesterday I will move on, being strength to those who are weary…
I shall not spoil my mood for blogging…
ever sat down at the end of everyday…listen to some beautiful piano pieces, peaceful instrumental music, the few songs that means a lot to u; just the lyrics that brings back a lot of meaning and memories…and u let them play in a loop, on and on…at the same time reflect on life, reflect on the day, the past week, the past month, the past year, or practically just memories that’s in your head; happy or painful…it doesn’t matter cuz it just drops in…
life reflection…hmmm, something relaxing to do; or not…it can be rather stressful depending what you’re thinking about…at the moment its crazy mixed up feeling for me…I could tell that one moment I can be high and happy, another moment down and confused, another moment cold and heartless and the last thing is emotionless…but one thing that never runs away from all these…I’m tired; still am…
high and happy cuz I know I’ve always have something to look forward too…I know I’ve got to appreciate life cuz its precious…I know I’ve got to live on being happy so I wont worry the people around me…being happy cuz I’ve got happy memories with certain people I treasure which shall remain forever; hoping it will not be taken away…though in the end staying happy is the hardest and the most tiring thing to do…happiness never last long…feels like it’s a mask in life to put on before you meet anyone…it’s quite fake at times…
as all the happy thoughts are in place and you’re floating on a soft fluffy cloud, suddenly the piece of cloud gives way and you fall hitting rock bottom…all hopes are gone, all is left is sadness, pain, hurt and confusion…then I ask myself, was it a blessing that fell from the sky I received? Was my role ever that important? How much do I mean to them? Did my existence cause more trouble than joy? What would happen if it ended? Should I let go or should it go on? Am I doing the right thing? Am I pushing too hard? Am I giving u enough space to breath? I gave up on those questions…
But there’s more…Was I born weird? If not, then why am I judged with that sort of ‘eyes’? Is it a crime to be born with what I have? Is it a must to live up to the standards of the world? Or is it just a standard u set for me? It’s tiring trying and trying to achieve it…I maybe born smart but I am not a genius…wish u knew that…I am still human with room for mistakes…I am not a robot…I have emotions too…What is there to compare? For I am only me…trying to live out the dreams I have but its being snatched lil by lil, day by day…I live my life in a cell; how would it feel to be free…would I loose touch and be squished by the pressures of the world? Am I being protected cuz u feel that I cannot survive the world? To u I am still a kid, aren’t I?
Even in my own world, my own circle of friends…I can’t be me, can I? To you guys, I am a happy go lucky person but lately I’m filled with pain and confusion in my eyes. You ask me to make decisions, put it to an end but u don’t even know what’s going on…you don’t even know me…yet u compare yourself with them, saying how well you know me but in fact you don’t at all…all I have become is a topic for u to talk about to fill up your free time but you never understood the depth of it…like I said, I was judged with tinted glasses of yours…
Confused; I don’t know what to do now bout my life but let it flow the way my heart leads me day by day…sometimes it lead me to do the wrong thing and end up regretting what I’ve done…sigh…I am confused…
Cold and heartless cuz to certain things I have grown cold…especially to nagging and scolding…I kept my distance this hols…kept my own space and privacy…the only thing that got close to me was my library of songs and my com…I couldn’t care less about any other thing around me…cuz I know in the end its just useless to voice up my words…I shall go back to when I was years ago…when people ask me questions and I just return a smile…and ‘you’ called me quiet, saying I am hard to get close too, I was a problem kid…I shall shut myself away once again, living in my own world…
And when too many emotions fall into place at one time, you know what u will feel? Nothing, absolutely nothing…a state of being emotionless…nothing else could make u feel anything anymore…a state worse then heartless and cold…a state where no one could reach you, not even your closest friends…a time where u lock yourself up in the room and you don’t want to have contact with anyone…it happened once, and its terrible to go through it…a feeling like all hope was gone, everything was lost…there was nothing more to trigger any sort of emotions…I was lucky I thought things through and lived on to write it down…reminding myself, hoping I don’t fall back into that place…
In the end after all that, the conclusion is it’s tiring to live life but life goes on…and I have pledged to live life appreciating every second of it…cuz at the end of it all, I still have people who cares for me…there is much more to life then emotions…no matter how stressful it is, family is still family…the special few; u know who u are…thanks for everything you’ve given me, it has all been great and it remains in me forever, and I will still keep my promise…friends; also to the few people…thanks for getting me out of my own ‘well’ at times, its deep but u pulled me out…
And at the end of it all…after the endless looping of the few songs in my playlist, I have finished today’s life reflection and found that there is more to life than I thought it would have…stronger than yesterday I will move on, being strength to those who are weary…
i know that i have loved you ... at 2/22/2007 01:28:00 AM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities